When our son was born, we made an impromptu decision that my wife will become a stay-at-home mom and raise our son. I am so glad that my wife was willing to quit her job at the kindergarten and become a stay-at-home mom! We had no illusions that this is going to be a tough job, yet she took it on willingly. Sometimes I’m just amazed at what a woman is willing to do for love.
In response, I’ve also taken steps to support my wife as a stay-at-home mom. She has expressed to me a few times how my actions have encouraged her to go on and to love her job. I’m going to share what I’ve done to support her; hopefully, this can give you some ideas.
Help her feel accomplishment through goal settings
Trying to complete all house chores is a futile goal, there will always be something else to do. If your wife does not have goals to accomplish for the day or the week, she can feel very miserable because no matter how much she does, there will be ten more things to do. You need to help her feel that she has accomplished her goals!
I sat down with my wife and told her to identify 3 things she must complete by the end of the day. This can be things like:
Notice that the list doesn’t only contain house chores? Your wife’s life cannot be centered exclusively on the house and your child. She needs to have her own space, balance the goals on a day-to-day basis.
With the goals set for the day, encourage her to complete it by the end of the day, and remind her not to let other things distract her from accomplishing those goals.
Completing goals allows her to see that she is making progress on things that matter, and having that sense of accomplishment is important in any job. After practicing this for a few days, my wife told me that she feels much more accomplished, she can feel that she is making progress!
This method is a little different than making a to-do-list, a to-do-list is just a mountain of tasks to complete. Sometimes, it is unrealistic to complete all in a day, and when you don’t complete them, you can feel miserable. She can still make a to-do-list, but prioritize three things in that list and set it as the goal of the day. Completing those will give a very different sense of accomplishment.
Frequently express your gratitude
I’m thankful for what my wife has done, I genuinely feel that she is an incredible mom! But if those words were kept in my heart, she will never know about it, and soon she may feel that she is doing a thankless job.
Pay attention to what she does; that way, you can be specific in what you’re thanking her for instead of being generally thankful. It shows that you’re paying attention to her work, efforts, and sacrifices. Here’s what I notice my wife does, see if it can give you some pointers.
Now that you know, just say “Thanks dear, for putting our son to bed every night so I can have enough sleep for work” or “Thanks dear, for leaving your job to raise our son”. When you are observant of what your wife does, that list will continue to grow longer. Sometimes, you can ask her how her day has been, what challenges she faced, that can give you visibility on what she does for the family daily.
Support her in her hobby
My wife has a talent for drawing, and she loves her hobby. But sometimes she gets so busy taking care of the house that she foregoes what she likes to do. I don’t want her to sacrifice that much for the house, so I intentionally asked her about her hobby to get the conversation started. Many times I have talked about her hobby, and today it has become a common topic, and she is much more involved in her hobby now.
Many stay-at-home moms say they don’t have enough time for their hobby, and that is true. But let’s look at it from a different angle. Let’s say she completes 7 tasks today and then completes 10 tasks tomorrow, and 15 tasks the next day. Has she moved the needle? Probably not, because there will always be ten things left to do, so why not just identify 3-5 of the most important things to do, complete it and then give room for her hobby?
Another thing you can do is to help her create something out of her hobby. Since my wife loves drawing, I encourage her to attend drawing classes to improve her skills, and I’ll take care of everything else when she’s in class. She told me that those classes were her major break time, she can fully immerse in what she likes to do and see herself get better and better at it.
Notice the drawings on this blog and the comic section? It’s all her work. We have successfully turned her hobby into satisfying work! She owns something now, works that she can show the world, how awesome is that? She is still a stay-at-home mom, but now she’s much more than that. Let your wife know that she can be more than just a typical stay-at-home mom.
Be generous with her on money matters
Most stay-at-home moms don’t have their source of income; they rely on their husbands to provide for them. Some of them feel that they don’t own any of that money and must get their husband’s permission before they can spend on things that they want or need, they don’t own anything other than the allowance their husband gives. I think that we need to view things differently, that everything we have and own, is equally our wive’s.
I have identified some attitudes that make our wives hesitate to ask for money. I’m listing it out so we can consciously be more aware and avoid it.
- When she asks for money, we frown or sigh before we even hear why she needs it.
- When she wants to buy something, we ask, “Again?”, “Are you sure you need that?”
- We question and scrutinize every time they spend money.
Don’t make her feel guilty when she asks for money. If you identify the things that she does for the family, you will quickly notice that she is worth a lot in terms of salary. To hire someone else to do the work, you will easily need the following:
- Daycare center services
- Laundry services
- Restaurant, food catering or food delivery services
- Maid or house helper services
- Private tutor fees
She does much more than that too, she plays the roles of a butler, facilities manager, janitor, logistics analyst, nutritionist, you name it. Suddenly, we realize that stay-at-home moms provide so much value without salary!
I practice giving an allowance. Both of us have 300 dollars a month to spend on anything we want, and we will not question each other on how we decide to spend this money. If we increase or decrease the allowance, it will apply for both of us. For everything else, I make a budget and share it with her with complete transparency.
If something falls outside of the budget and we can afford it, I’ll give the money to her or buy it for her. If we can’t afford it, I will share with her the reason why and what our difficulties are, and we will both discuss if we should still get it. I want her to know that she has an equal say in our finances, and she doesn’t feel that she need her job back to have that financial freedom. I want her to enjoy her current job at home.
Get involved in house chores
There was a time when I would come back home and start playing computer games to de-stress. This behavior annoyed my wife, not because she doesn’t like me playing, but because I would play when there are still things to be done! We talked about it, and I decided to take up some chores in the house. Here are some ideas to help you choose yours, pick 3!
My choice? The top 3 from the list. Notice that most of the things on the list are chores you need to do daily? That’s intentional. Getting involved daily on the chores will help your wife and boost her morale.
“Man, I’ve been working the whole day! I need some rest when I’m at home!” It dawned on me that I cannot use that excuse because my wife is working longer hours than me! Anyway, my wife appreciates me helping out in the house now, so it’s all very worth it 🙂
Bring her out for a date
Stay-at-home moms spend most of their time at home, and it’s easy to lose their vibrancy. In some cases, they can even fall into depression. Bringing them out for a date is an excellent way to put a smile back on their face.
Most moms I know would love their husband to date them, I haven’t met one who didn’t like it, so start making plans. Anniversaries are good opportunities to do a really nice one, but you can also date your wife on a random day and make it lightweight, that way you can have more dates! Look back at what worked for you before marriage, that can give you some ideas.
Love is what sustains her to be a stay-at-home mom, so make her feel loved and appreciated. This little action will sustain and fuel her for the daily grind of housework.
Find ways to make her job easier
When you observe what your wife does daily, you will notice certain things that can make her job easier. I’ll give you an example.
Based on our earlier experiences with lousy vacuum cleaners, we decided to get a Dyson V8 because it will make her life easier. Later on, we found an automated vacuum and mop robot, and we decided to get one too. These devices improved her work efficiency, and she appreciates that we are spending to make her life easier.
Later on, we also hired a helper that will come in 3 hours a week to help clean the house, that greatly reduced the work she and I have to do in the house, and we can use the time saved for happier things, like going for a movie or spending more time on our hobby.
Take something off her list
I find that this is a great way to support my wife. When I see something that is on her list (which is basically everything that is not on my list), I try to do it for her, like making the bed before I go to work. I never had to announce it; my wife knows I helped out and thanks me for it.
There are many small things that you can do to surprise her, let me list out a few.
Try it, I’m sure your wife will appreciate the support. It’s always good to have proactive people around us right? 🙂
Be proud of her work
Most people don’t recognize that the work of a stay-at-home mom is worthy of praise. On the contrary, some people believe that it’s an easy job that anyone can do. I can’t imagine anything more demoralizing than people belittling your work, make sure you do not.
I am very proud of the way my wife raise my son and how she keeps the house in order. I actively praise her for it, and when I talk among friends and the topic of family comes up, I praise her in front of my friends. I’m just grateful I married a pro!
Being proud of her work should come from the heart, it will show in your conduct and conversation with friends and families, and you will raise her up among the people around you. She will have confidence in what she does, and she will excel at it, and you and your children will be the first to benefit from it 🙂
Play with your kid
Stay-at-home moms are already facing the kids the majority of the time, and it can be very tiring. Although they love their child, sometimes they just want to be away from them to take a breather.
When I’m back home, I will play with my son, and she can have a break, sometimes, I will take him for a walk in the park. I notice that my wife will secretly rejoice when I do that, and I’m sure many moms will want a break from their kids once in a while!
If your child doesn’t want to spend time with you, I urge you to read this article I wrote earlier. My son used to shun away from me and trust me, you can turn yourself into his best friend. Maybe also read these tips for dads, you may be able to find some helpful tips.
Help her start a business
The final point and this can be huge! Stay-at-home moms have a huge potential to start a business. My wife will find junks or things we no longer need and sell it online. These things will end up in the garbage dump or given to others, but she turned it into cash, how awesome is that?
I also encourage her not to waste what she learned in college and her teaching experience. With a few brainstorming sessions, she is now making sensorial toys to sell and drawing the comics for this blog. Will it be successful? We don’t know, but now she has something to work towards, and being a stay-at-home mom allows her to do so.
The ten steps I shared earlier are important to make this happen; without it, she may not have the time, the skills, or the motivation to start a business. Support your stay-at-home wife, she has tremendous potential, and you can be the key person to help her realize it.
Let me summarize the points in this article with a table. By the way, my wife has learned quite a lot after being a stay-at-home mom for almost 2 years, and these are her tips for stay-at-home moms. Invite your wife to read it, she will help her out on her journey.
|11 Ways To Support Your Wife||Ideas|
|Help her feel accomplishment through goal settings. Ask her to pick 3 goals to prioritize for the day, she should add her own goals.||1. Bring our son for a walk in the park|
|2. Mop the floor|
|3. Go for a swim|
|4. Clean the bathroom|
|5. Get groceries|
|6. Bathe our dog|
|7. Wash the clothes|
|8. Practice her drawing|
|9. Read a book|
|10. Call her mom for a chat|
|Frequently express your gratitude. These are some ideas for you to take notice and thank her.||1. She puts our son to bed every night|
|2. She cooks for the family|
|3. She makes sure the clothes are washed and ironed|
|4. She sacrifices her sleep to attend to our son when he wakes up at night|
|5. She makes sure my son is well taken care of everyday|
|7. She left her career behind for our family|
|8. She makes time for me|
|9. She cares for our dog|
|Support her in her hobby, if she don't have one, encourage her to find one.||1. Drawing|
|7. Learn to play the piano|
|9. Start a blog|
|10. Be a YouTuber|
|Be generous with her on money matters, do not do these 3 things..||1. When she asks for money, frown or sigh before you even find out why she needs it.|
|2. When she wants to buy something, don't ask, "Again?", "Are you sure you need that?"|
|3. Don't question and scrutinize every time they spend money.|
|Get involved in house chores, here are some ideas.||1. Wash the dishes|
|2. Take out the trash|
|3. Do the laundry|
|4. Clean the bathroom|
|5. Sweep and mop the floor|
|6. Mow the lawn|
|7. Fold the clothes|
|8. Iron the clothes|
|9. Prepare dinner|
|10. Feed the pet|
|Bring her out for a date.||1. Anniversaries|
|2. Random dates|
|3. Small dates|
|Find ways to make her job easier.||1. Buy better equipment for her work|
|2. Hire a helper|
|Take something off her list.||1. Make the bed|
|2. Collect the dried laundry|
|3. Wipe the dining table|
|4. Keep the toys|
|5. Replace toilet rolls|
|6. Put away the groceries|
|7. Bathe the baby|
|8. Vacuum the floor|
|9. Put the kids to bed|
|10. Prepare breakfast|
|Be proud of her work.||Praise her work, talk good about your wife in front of others|
|Play with your kid||Let your wife have a break from the kids, play and bring them out to the park. Read these articles if you haven't.|
|1. Why does my baby hate me?|
|2. 23 actionable steps to be a good father|
|Help her start a business||1. Find junks or things about to be given away, and sell it on the internet.|
|2. Find ways to monetize her hobby|
|3. Start a blog|
|4. Start a YouTube channel|